Joining The Cult Lyrics – Adam Sandler

Joining The Cult Lyrics

[Sounds of Basketball being shot around]
[Sandler:] “Hey man I’m joining a religious cult.”
[Allen:] “Now that’s ridiculous.”
[Sandler:] “Well I’m joining it so you gotta sign up too.”
[Allen:] “What are you talking about?”
[Sandler:] “Hey don’t fuck me on this man just sign up.”
[Allen:] “No I’m not going to join a cult!”
[Sandler:] “I can’t believe you’re pulling this shit on me after Monday night –“
[Allen:] “What?
[Sandler:] “– I wanted to watch Monday Night Football
And you wanted to watch that other show and we watched your show —
I did that for you!”
[Allen:] “Yeah well you kept flippin’ back to the game.”
[Sandler:] “I WANTED TO SEE THE FUCKIN’ SCORE!
Whadda you gotta do that’s so fucking importnat you can’t join the religious cult with me?”
[Allen:] “Well I was gonna go sunbathing.”
[Sandler:] “Oh boy no no I don’t think you should do that.
Because this guy Russell — he’s the leader-guy of the cult –“
[Allen:] “– yeah –“
[Sandler:] “– he was rambling on during one of the speeches
About the sun being bad like the beast can’t come out
Because the sun’s too bright and the sun hurts his eyes or something —
You show up all sunburned and that guy’s gonna get pissed at you and me!”
[Allen:] “Well I’m not in the cult so I don’t have to worry about pissing the leader guy off!”
[Sandler:] “Look I’m — starting to believe in some of the stuff the cult guy’s been saying —
Some of it makes a lot of sense!
[Allen:] “Well good but I don’t want to join the cult.
We can still hang out; I just won’t be in it with you.”
[Sandler:] “The point is I’m not gonna have time to hang out with you because I’m gonna be fuckin’ busy with this fuckin’ cult!”
[Allen:] “So I’ll visit on weekends — we’ll work it out.”
[Sandler:] “No the weekends are like the busiest time —
That’s when we go to flea malls and fuckin’ malls and talk people into joining man!”
[Allen:] “Can I join for just a little while?
I told my dad I’d go visit him in Florida in three weeks.”
[Sandler:] “Well just we’ll ask then but we gotta join now.”
[Allen:] “What’s the hurry?”
[Sandler:] “There’s a girl I wanna meet there what the fuck’s your problem?”
[Allen:] “Well I mean I don’t really have to believe in this stuff do I?”
[Sandler:] “No no just fuckin’ tell everybody you believe in this shit — when they say the sun sucks go
“Yeah fuck the sun I fuckin’ hate it too long live the fuckin’ beast.”
[Allen:] “I don’t know man. This is crazy.”
[Sandler:] “Look they’re gonna give you clothers a free haircut you’re gonna get food –“
[Allen:] “– it’s not gonna be one of those weird haircuts is it?”
[Sandler:] “It’s gonna be a haircut all right?
You said you need a haircut they’re gonna fuckin’ cut your hair.
You’re going in saving twelve bucks just fuckin’ do it!”
[Allen:] “Do you think the hot girl has a friend for me?”
[Sandler:] “Yeah sure and if she doesn’t she’ll go out and recruit one for you!”
[Allen:] “Well all right. But hey if I don’t like it I’m going to escape man.”
[Sandler:] “OK that’s up to you.”

[Three weeks later!]

[Chanting repeatedly] “The night time is the right time!
The night time is the right time!”
[Sandler:] “Hey buddy are you glad you did this?”
[Allen:] “Oh this is the best thing I ever did. Thank you.”
[Sandler:] “You’re not mad at them making you uh kill your father are you?”
[Allen:] “You know it’s like they said. It was the only way to save him.”
[Sandler:] “You’re a good guy.”
[Allen:] “You’re a better one.”
[Chanting resumes]


By – Adam Sandler

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